because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize