dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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