How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
