he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
