I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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