You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
