I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
