On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We have started to decorate penises.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
