no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
