I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He felt like a one man threesome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
