did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
