My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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