So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
