I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize