i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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