I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
