After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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