they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
