I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
