i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
