When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
