You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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