its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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