shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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