Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
