You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
