dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
