oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it glows. i had to have it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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