I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
