i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
