Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
