You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
