wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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