Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
