Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
