I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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