i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
