i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize