Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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