would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
