dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize