If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
