you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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