you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
