so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize