He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
