Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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