your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are a genius and a whore.
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