I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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