Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
