i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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