Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
