maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
