Your face is a jimmy john
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
