What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
