I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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