you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
