i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
