i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
