There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
