Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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