I cut my penus on the lid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm at about main and main street
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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