Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
