Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
