He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
