that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
