Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
