why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
