She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
