I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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