i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
