i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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