I just saw a hot homeless man
I have demons in me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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