Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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