how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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