I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
